Fear

Last weekend I went skydiving and I felt strangely calm throughout the whole experience. I’m not afraid of heights and I do love planes, but that still doesn’t explain why I didn’t mind jumping out of a plane that was 12,000 feet high. So, it made me wonder what I do fear.

My number one fear is failure. When I was in the 2nd grade, I thought I did terrible on a reading assignment and during my school’s Skate Night at Skate America I sat in a booth with my skates on and cried the whole time. I was so worried about my grade on that reading assignment. I ended up getting a B so I cried for nothing.My parents never pressured me to make good grades. I put that pressure on myself. Every time I would take a test I would be so scared to find out the results even though I did well most of the time.

My number two fear is talking to strangers. I don’t know how I have friends because they were all strangers at one point. Meeting new people is such a terrifying experience. This is incredibly difficult when you want to start dating, but you don’t want to talk to anybody. One, I can barely hold a conversation. I don’t do a ton of interesting things so I wouldn’t have topics to rattle off. Two, I don’t want to face rejection. It is such a blow to your self-esteem. That is why I am mentally preparing myself for a life alone.

The third thing I am scared of is pain. No one likes pain obviously, but I really try to avoid it at all costs. For example, my eyebrows are really bushy and they are that way because I don’t want to go through the pain of waxing and plucking. I love that my eyebrows are thick, but they are kind of wild. Below is the first and last time I got my eyebrows done. It looks good, but I will probably never do it again. It wasn’t terribly painful, but it was pain nonetheless. They say beauty is pain, but I would rather be ugly.

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