New Year’s Resolutions

Every year I make New Year’s resolutions and every year I never follow through. The idea of starting fresh is appealing, but I am pretty much setting myself up for disappointment because it is so easy to break self-promises.  However, I am optimistic about 2017. Trump being president kind of puts a damper on things, but I am trying to stay positive. So, below is my list of resolutions.

  • Read
    • I am not a reader, but I feel like I should be so I am going to attempt to read more. My mom reads so much, and I did not get that gene. If I really want to challenge myself I could make a resolution about completing one non-fiction book in 2017. I can’t tell you how many non-fiction books I have started and didn’t finish.
  • Lose Weight
    • The most popular of resolutions. This is a resolution I have made consistently probably since I started college and every year I do the complete opposite and gain like 10 pounds. I am going to really give it a good try in 2017 and maybe I can at least stay the same weight. My strategy for losing weight will be to eat less, which is always my strategy because I am too lazy to exercise.
  • Travel
    • This is a resolution that I can accomplish because I do this every year. I would love to travel internationally again though. This is weird, but one of the things I enjoy most about traveling is being on the plane. The longer the flight, the better. I love flying so much that I probably should have tried to become a pilot. Maybe I could take flying lessons, which could be another resolution.
  • Try To Be A Bum Less Often
    • This is will be one of the hardest resolutions to keep. I still wear shoes that have holes in them and my usually uniform is a t-shirt and jeans. My hair is usually in a ponytail and I don’t wear any makeup. I probably buy makeup once a year and never apply it to my face. One of my favorite places to be on Earth is on my couch in front of the TV eating Bagel Bites.
  • Date
    • I say this resolution begrudgingly. Why does dating suck you may ask? Let me count the ways:
      • 1) In most cases you have to spend time with a complete stranger that could have a strange addiction like eating lead paint chips, or is a psycho killer.
      • 2) You have to find things to talk about. I can’t exactly bring flashcards to a date. Could you imagine me in a date with my flashcards underneath the table saying, “So, uh (looks at flashcard because I am awful with names) John. If you had to name three people you can eat dinner with dead or alive who would it be?”
      • 3) You cannot be yourself. When you go on a date, you are pretty much putting on a front.
      • 4) You have totally wasted your time if you go on several dates with a guy who he ends up being  dud.
    • I kind of don’t mind the thought of staying on #teamforeveralone. Definitely would be less stressful. I just want someone I can watch TV with and who would give me food once in awhile. I could live with my parents to accomplish that. Let’s put this resolution in the ‘maybe’ pile.

 

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