Friendship Part 4: Just One of the Guys

Let’s talk about Ariana Madix from Vanderpump Rules. If you have not seen Vanderpump Rules and it is a critically acclaimed show on Bravo and it is about the lives of servers at a restaurant in California called Sur owned by Lisa Vanderpump. Below is a trailer to give you an idea of what the show is about. The trailer does not show Ariana since she came on the show later.

 

Anyway, Ariana mostly hangs out with the guys on the show because she does not get along with most of the girls. Granted a lot of the girls on the show are pretty awful, especially Stassi and Kristen. Ariana is probably one of the most tolerable people on the show because she is pretty chill compared to the other girls who are always yelling at each other. Also, she is one of the groomsmen for Schwartz wedding, which is pretty awesome.

 

Ariana has the blonde top bun

Watching Ariana’s interactions with the guys and the girls on the show raised some questions for me regarding being a “guy’s girl”.

What makes a woman a “guy’s girl”?

I am no expert, but the most obvious characteristic is that she has more guy friends than girl friends. I looked online to see what I could find about this subject and Urban Dictionary, which is such a great academic source, gave me the following definition of a guy’s girl:

That great girl who can just chill and be ‘one of the guys’. She’s into sports, beer, action flicks and doesn’t give a damn what others think.
However, unlike the tomboy, she has her gang of girl mates who she shops with and does girly stuff.
When attractive, this girl is mysterious and elusive. Acts aloof and gives off the ‘cool girl’ aura, like she’s very aware of both guys’ and girls’ worlds.

Oh, of course Buzzfeed has an article about this subject as well. And for good measure here is another article.

I really don’t like the answers from the articles. They make pretty broad generalizations about what guys like. I think it is important to note that every situation is different. You don’t have to like sports and/or drink beer to be a guy’s girl because not all guys like that stuff.

I would not consider myself a guy’s girl because I have more friends that are women than I do that are men. Simple as that. I do fit into the stereotype. I was a tom boy growing up, I have two older brothers, I like/play sports, and I am really laid back, but like I said before just because I check the boxes doesn’t mean guys are banging on my door to be their friend.

Is it cooler to have more guy friends than girl friends?

I used to think so, but not anymore. In college, I did try to gather up some guy friends, but that didn’t work out. They just didn’t “stick.” You then realize the people who had your back the whole time were your girls and that’s pretty cool.

 

Do guy’s girls not get along with other women?

There might be cases where a guy’s girl will say, “I don’t really get along with other women.” Once she makes that statement she is closing her mind. She may have experienced women not liking her because those women were significant others of the guys she was hanging out with, or she feels like she doesn’t share the same interests of other women without getting to know them better. Everyone is not the same. Just because you like beer and sports doesn’t mean there aren’t other women who like the same things.

Final Thoughts

I think it is important to have friends who are of different sex, race, and sexual orientation because it opens your mind to other thoughts and opinions. However, if you have more guy friends than girl friends, that’s great. If you have have more girl friends than guy friends that is also great. Just live your best life. Surround yourself with friends that you can have adventures with, that can make you laugh, that are there for you when you need to cry, and that you can be completely honest with.

I think I am done with the Friendship Series, so I will end it with a slideshow of my friends. If you are my friend, but not on this slideshow that just means I couldn’t find a pic on Facebook.  Some of them include my cousins and brothers, but who says they can’t be your friends too. Also, I shouldn’t have went back so far because I saw a skinnier Brandy and I miss her dearly.

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Bad Habits

In my last post I talked about one of my worst habits: nail biting. In this post I want to list the other bad habits that I have. You will probably figure out pretty quickly that I have these bad habits because I am lazy, which would be the right assumption.

  • Buying groceries only when I have nothing left in the fridge
  • Staying up until 1-2am
  • Watching too much TV, especially shows that are straight garbage
  • Throwing away things that I might need later
    • I hate having stuff.
  • Overeating
  • Checking the doorknob a million times before I go to bed.
  • Not wearing my retainers at night.
    • I wear them maybe a few times a month. That is why I have spaces in my teeth now.
  • Not finishing non-fiction books
    • It isn’t that I don’t like non-fiction. For example, I like the book David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell, but I stopped at page 50 for no reason. I haven’t picked it up since and that was probably a year ago. I hope to finish it eventually.
  • Wearing my contacts for too long.
  • Not making eye contact when talking to people
    • I don’t do this all the time, but I do catch myself doing it sometimes. I just don’t like long periods of eye contact.
  • Not following through with plans
    • I don’t like planning because when I start I get too into it and then it gets so overwhelming that I just give up. I definitely prefer when someone else makes all the plans.
  • Taking my time with putting things away
    • clothes, shoes, dishes, etc.
  • Waiting until my gas light comes on before putting more gas in it

A Real Nail Biter

I have a lot of bad habits, but one of my top 5 worst habits is that I am a serious nail biter. The tips of my fingers are nubs. It is hard for me to open up things with a pop top and scratching isn’t really that effective. I bite my nails because 1) I don’t like long nails, 2) I am anxious all the time, and 3) it is something to do. Apparently biting your nails means that you are a perfectionist. I like things to be done right. I don’t know who doesn’t, but I wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist.

So, I decided to challenge myself and see how long I can go without biting my nails. It has been 4 days and I have not taken a bite. It has been pretty hard to kick this habit, but it is good that I am practicing self-control. I have noticed that I have been chewing gum a lot more. It could be because I am not biting my nail, or because I am cutting down on my food intake. Either way it appears I am replacing one habit with another, which I feel is normally not a good thing, but gum is harmless, right?

Friendship Part 3: Making Friends As An Adult

I was listening to this podcast on This American Life, and one of the episodes talked about making friends as an adult. I thought it was such an interesting subject to talk about because it made me think about how hard it is to make friends as an adult.

When you are a child, it is so easy to make friends because it is all about playing. You don’t really talk about anything you just play. Then you hope that the friendships that you had as a young kid carries on to middle and high school. Once, you are in college you have to make a new group of friends, and you are surrounded by so many people it is almost impossible not to find someone to hangout with. I made two friends by myself in college, and they had several friends. So, then I became friends with their friends and boom I had a posse. Now a majority of that group lives in DC. I have remained very close with that group, but I only see them about once a month.

I had to create a new network of friends in Charlottesville. That put me in a situation where I had to make friends as an adult.

Luckily, I work at a company that has a lot of young professionals, even though Charlottesville as a whole does not, so I was able to make some friends. Could I make a friend in Charlottesville outside of work? Probably not. Where would I go to make these friends? Do I go to a bar by myself, walk up to a stranger, and say, “Do you want to be friends?” In the podcast that I mentioned earlier, the guy did set up two people on a friend date. In the friend date, they went to a trivia night, which I thought was a great idea. If I had to go on a friend date with a complete stranger I would probably like to do something like an Escape Room, but I am awful with puzzles, and I wouldn’t want my new friend to think I was a dummy on the first date. Maybe I would  like to do some sort of activity like rock climbing, shooting hoops, etc because I don’t know how to carry a conversation so doing an activity eases the pressure of having to find something to talk about.

Where I Come From

I was born and raised in King William, VA. When I talk about King William, I am not talking about West Point which is a small town at the tip of King William County. West Point has a paper plant so that area is way more developed than the rest of the county. I just wanted to make that little disclaimer.

kw-pic

King William is a very rural place. We didn’t have a grocery store until I was in the fifth grade and when we did get a grocery store we threw a celebration (we also got a water tower around the same time). Also, we probably only have about two or three stoplights. There is never traffic in King William unless you get stuck behind a tractor.

kw2

This is our busiest intersection

The cool think about King William is that most of the people you graduate with are people you have known since kindergarten. My high school graduation class size was only 130 and I probably knew every single person I graduated with. When new kids came to King William, I was super fascinated because I didn’t understand why anyone in their right mind would want to move here. I mean King William is better than some of the other surrounding counties because it is close to Richmond aka civilization.

King William is kind of beautiful. The stars at night are so bright because there is no light pollution. Also, there are deer everywhere. It is cool when they are chilling in your front yard, but when you are driving at night and they pop out of nowhere then it is not so cool. I am surprised I haven’t hit a deer yet. Also, King William in the fall is gorgeous because there are so many trees.

A not so great thing about King William is that there are Confederate flags everywhere and people will claim that it has historical significance, but let’s be real. Also, when the Tea Party was a thing you would see Tea Party signs everywhere. Sure these folks will smile in your face, even make you believe that they are your friend, but don’t be fooled. I will never say that people in King William are not friendly and that they won’t take care of you, but many folks in King William can be pretty racist.The biggest racial issue in King William is interracial dating. That is a serious “no no” for some families, which is absurd.

King William is the type of place I knew that I didn’t want to get stuck in. Going to UVA opened me up to a world that I didn’t get to experience in King William. I interacted with people from different cultures, I ate food that I never had like Thai, I went to sporting events and concerts, and I made really close friends. King William is a safe place and I understand why people like it there. You could probably live your whole life never having to lock your door because either your neighbor lives a mile away or, if you live in a subdivision, you know everyone in the neighborhood. However, you are not exposed to much in King William.

My parents love King William. They still go to all the sporting events and our neighbors are pretty awesome I do have to say. Now that I think about it, I had a pretty great childhood in King William. All the neighborhood kids would come to house to play Hide and Seek or King of the Hill. We had so many toys to play with, and we played a sport every season. I couldn’t ask for a better childhood. But, King William has too many problems for me to ever want to live there. Here are some reasons.

  • The only fast food places in King William are Burger King, which is attached to a gas station, and Subway. There has been talks of a Bojangles.
  • There is not a place to buy clothes unless you buy your clothes from the Family Dollar or Dollar General. I don’t know why we have both.
  • There is nothing to do there. There is no form of entertainment whatsoever unless you like mud bogging. King William has no movie theater, no skating rink, no shopping center, nothing.
  • Did I mention the whole Confederate flag, Tea Party thing?

I Hate ‘The Bachelor’ But I Keep Watching

I loathe ‘The Bachelor’/’The Bachelorette’. I started watching for real during Juan Pablo’s season and he was just an awful human being. And you would think I would stop watching after that. Nope. I always get sucked back in.

Let me tell you why I hate this show:

  • Girls/guys are expected to fall in love with someone within weeks and they barely hang out with each other. You might get at most 4 one on one dates and then boom you are engaged. Why do you have to get engaged at the end? There is nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone before proposing to them. It is actually want people in the real world do.
  • The gimmicks when they get out of the limo are so ridiculous. It makes me cringe. I get that you are trying to be memorable, but dang it’s too much sometimes.

 

  • The conversation between the bachelor/bachelorette and the contestants are so shallow. They don’t really talk about anything meaningful.
  • I mean can we get a bachelor/bachelorette who isn’t white? Juan Pablo was probably the most ethnic they have gone. People of color deserve to find love too. Also, a large majority of the winners are not people of color. Sean Lowe’s wife, Catherine, is probably the only exception since she is part Filipino. It is 2017, let’s make some changes. It is kind of sad that it is considered ‘bold’ to have someone of color be the bachelor/bachelorette. It shouldn’t be bold, it should be normal.

  • The contestant should know that this man/woman is not your boyfriend/girlfriend. Y’all are just dating. It is not exclusive at all. So you go from dating to engaged. You skip the whole boyfriend/girlfriend part. The term boyfriend or girlfriend should never leave anyone’s lips.

  • It is so weird when the contestants comfort each other. That person is dating the same person you are dating and you are trying to comfort them? That don’t make a lick of sense.

So, why do I watch this show? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I love romance, but only in the fictional sense. Romance in real life is kind of corny and this show is corny as all get out. I guess I like to be a part of the conversation since a lot of people watch this show. Also, I kind of like the dates because of how ridiculous they are. But what really pulls me in are the promos for the next episode. Whoever edits that stuff is a genius.

 

Movie Review: Moonlight

Note: No Spoilers

The movie tells the story of a young man named Chiron growing up in Miami and dealing with his own sexuality. The story is told in three parts: Chiron as a boy, Chiron as a teenager, and Chiron as an adult. The movie explores themes such as drugs, violence, family, masculinity, and sexuality.

There are several seasons why I should like this movie. The actors, and the characters they portrayed, were fantastic. Everything seemed so natural and believable. My favorite character in the movie was Juan because there were so many layers to him and he really was the best part of the movie. Also, the music was really good. However, for some reason I didn’t feel anything. I thought I was going to be boo-hooing at the end of this movie and I was just like ‘meh’. I actually dozed off for a minute during one scene. This movie received  98% on Rotten Tomatoes and it has received nothing but positive reviews. But, for some reason I just thought the movie was okay. I think what was missing for me was that I wanted more dialogue. Chiron doesn’t talk much. It is part of his character, but it is also frustrating. I just thought so much more could have been said. Also, things were never explained. The movie had so many unanswered questions.

I will say that Moonlight is 10x better than Boyhood. Boyhood is one of my least favorite movies. Boyhood had no story really. Yeah it is cool the movie was filmed in 12 years using the same characters, but that was the only interesting part about it. That was the first time I watched a movie and wanted 2 hours of my life back. The 2nd time was when I watched  Independence Day 2.

I say that the movie is definitely worth watching. It is well made, the acting is fantastic, and the story is interesting. It just isn’t a movie I would watch again.

Grade: B

Movie Review: La La Land

Note: I will try not to spoil the movie.

La La Land is a romantic-musical that stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. The movie is about a struggling actress and a struggling jazz musician trying it make it in their respective fields. Emma’s character, Mia, works at a movie studio coffee shop and is hoping to make it big as an actress, but it is starting to doubt herself as she gets rejected for numerous roles. Sebastian, played by Ryan Gosling, is a jazz pianist who wants to own his own jazz club, but does odd jobs, like playing 80’s cover music for parties, to pay the bills. Like in any romantic movie Mia and Sebastian have these “random” run ins and they start to fall in love.

Ryan and Emma worked together before in Crazy Stupid Love, which I adored, so I knew they would have chemistry in this movie, and I was not disappointed. They just seemed so natural together. Ryan and Emma’s acting was superb, but I would say Emma really stole the show. Her range of emotions is pretty on point. I feel like Ryan kind of plays the same character in a lot of his movies, but it works.

The movie is a musical, but they don’t sing every line like Les Miserables. The singing and dancing sequences are not that frequent so the movie is still worth seeing even if you are not into musicals. I really enjoyed the musical parts, but I love musicals. Ryan and Emma were surprisingly good at singing and dancing. Their singing didn’t blow you away, but they did a great job with the dancing. It was very fluid and it didn’t seem like they were counting the steps in their heads. Also, the colors in the movie were very vibrant and bright, and I liked how everything just popped off the screen.

Overall, great movie. The movie had a essence of “old hollywood”, but with a modern twist, which I found endearing.You know that strain you feel in your eyes when a tear is about to come out, but you are trying to hold it in because you are not about that crying life? That was my body telling me “dammit this movie is good.”

Grade: A

 

New Year’s Resolutions

Every year I make New Year’s resolutions and every year I never follow through. The idea of starting fresh is appealing, but I am pretty much setting myself up for disappointment because it is so easy to break self-promises.  However, I am optimistic about 2017. Trump being president kind of puts a damper on things, but I am trying to stay positive. So, below is my list of resolutions.

  • Read
    • I am not a reader, but I feel like I should be so I am going to attempt to read more. My mom reads so much, and I did not get that gene. If I really want to challenge myself I could make a resolution about completing one non-fiction book in 2017. I can’t tell you how many non-fiction books I have started and didn’t finish.
  • Lose Weight
    • The most popular of resolutions. This is a resolution I have made consistently probably since I started college and every year I do the complete opposite and gain like 10 pounds. I am going to really give it a good try in 2017 and maybe I can at least stay the same weight. My strategy for losing weight will be to eat less, which is always my strategy because I am too lazy to exercise.
  • Travel
    • This is a resolution that I can accomplish because I do this every year. I would love to travel internationally again though. This is weird, but one of the things I enjoy most about traveling is being on the plane. The longer the flight, the better. I love flying so much that I probably should have tried to become a pilot. Maybe I could take flying lessons, which could be another resolution.
  • Try To Be A Bum Less Often
    • This is will be one of the hardest resolutions to keep. I still wear shoes that have holes in them and my usually uniform is a t-shirt and jeans. My hair is usually in a ponytail and I don’t wear any makeup. I probably buy makeup once a year and never apply it to my face. One of my favorite places to be on Earth is on my couch in front of the TV eating Bagel Bites.
  • Date
    • I say this resolution begrudgingly. Why does dating suck you may ask? Let me count the ways:
      • 1) In most cases you have to spend time with a complete stranger that could have a strange addiction like eating lead paint chips, or is a psycho killer.
      • 2) You have to find things to talk about. I can’t exactly bring flashcards to a date. Could you imagine me in a date with my flashcards underneath the table saying, “So, uh (looks at flashcard because I am awful with names) John. If you had to name three people you can eat dinner with dead or alive who would it be?”
      • 3) You cannot be yourself. When you go on a date, you are pretty much putting on a front.
      • 4) You have totally wasted your time if you go on several dates with a guy who he ends up being  dud.
    • I kind of don’t mind the thought of staying on #teamforeveralone. Definitely would be less stressful. I just want someone I can watch TV with and who would give me food once in awhile. I could live with my parents to accomplish that. Let’s put this resolution in the ‘maybe’ pile.

 

Thoughts On Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

I watched the latest season of Gilmore Girls,and I don’t know how I feel about it. Did it feed into my nostalgia? Yes. It was great seeing all of the crazy characters of Stars Hollow again, and all of Rory’s old boyfriends. It was also nice to see that Lorelai and Luke ended up together. However, there were some parts that I could have done without and it fell short in some areas. It wasn’t great, but I still loved it and I really want another season.

Here are some other random thoughts about season 8 (major spoilers ahead):

  1. I feel like Luke seemed more “yell-y” and grumpy than he did previous seasons.
  2. Was it even worth bringing Dean on? Rory and Dean had like a 10 second conversation and that was it. They could have left him out. Same thing with Sookie.
  3. It took Lorelai and Luke 9 years to finally get married. It didn’t make sense to me that they weren’t married already, but I guess they wanted the viewers to the see the wedding.
  4. I wish Jess had more screen time. He was on there longer than Dean, but still they could have fleshed more things out about what is going on in his life.
  5. Rory please get it together. You are 32 years old, you have no career path, you are living at home with your mom, and you are having relations with an engaged Logan. Jess had to come and save the day again by suggesting that you write a book so that you could have some purpose in your life.
  6. Logan, Jess, and Dean, looking good.
  7. That whole hiking thing that Lorelai attempted was unnecessary. I know it was a plot point so that Lorelei could realize how much she loved her father and that she really wanted to marry Luke, but it just fell flat to me.
  8. The therapy suggestions were very much needed.
  9. The last four words. Definitely a shock factor. The creator of Gilmore Girls planned to have this be the last four words of the show originally before Netflix picked it up 9 years later. You want to think that they have to do another season now, but it that is how she originally planned to end the series so I can see that being the end of Gilmore Girls. I know the creator wanted the series to come full circle, but is too on the nose.
  10. Paris was so funny. Since the actress that plays Paris is on How To Get Away With Murder, which is such a serious role, I didn’t think she could channel Paris again, but she did.
  11. Emily Gilmore in a t-shirt and jeans looked so unnatural, but I was about it. Also, I missed that Emily didn’t have a new maid every time Lorelei and/or Rory visited.
  12. I am all about the Stars Hollow musical.
  13. Enough with the Conde Nast.
  14. I can’t believe Rory went into an interview unprepared. Just because they really wanted you doesn’t mean you go in there knowing nothing about the company. It felt so unlike Rory who is usually so prepared.
  15. The way Jess looked at Rory through that window. Awwwwwww. If they have another season please give Jess and Rory another chance.